So do you think that the new marketing ploy is to just scare everyone into submission? I do. The pharma companies have been at it for a while. Their magazine ads which look so pretty and promise so much (with headlines and design apparently by art directors!) but when you turn the page there is the advertising equivalent of Revelations staring at you.
I generally shudder whenever I see an agency looking for writers to work on Pharma stuff.
The discalimers for those ads are usually about 5,000 words in 6pt type warning you that to ingest their product would be as harmful as smoking cigarettes or sprinkling salt on your food, or eating butter, or drinking whole milk, or eating anything that doesn't have "lite" in it's name or in general doing anything that your Grandparents did. And didn't they live to be like 90 years old without all these pills and diets and such?
What I'm saying is that if you want to cure yourself from burping, there's a pill for that.
But, as you may have heard in their TV spots, there are some side effects associated with such drugs.
I've seen and heard these spots so many times I can almost do the voice over (although the FDA makes them put the words on the screen, too) from memory.
It starts with scary in the form of: constipation; diarrhea; headache; nausea; pain, swelling, or redness as well as additional stomach pain.
But wait, there's more! Here's where it's gets even scarier! You can suffer from: Severe allergic reactions like rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; unusual hoarseness when talking. Then there's bone pain; chest pain; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills, or sore throat; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; seizures; unusual bruising or bleeding; unusual tiredness; vision changes.
"Vision changes? Does that mean you can lose your sight?
Plus at no extra charge, you can lose bone density and sudden weight gain.
What!? Both!?
And here's my favorite (and I got this from the web site http://www.drugs.com/sfx/prevacid-side-effects.html) Bloody or black, tarry stools; change in the amount of urine produced.
All of which isn't too bad - especially if you go blind from taking the stuff that's causing all this other stuff to happen.
And just to reiterate: All the above is what could happen to you if you take some medicine to relieve your heartburn. Hey, I'm just going to burp and forget about it like my Grandparents did.
And I don't know what my Grandfather did to keep my Grandmother happy all those years they were together (there are certain things you don't talk about with your Grands, you know!) but I'm sure he wasn't taking those little blue pills that make that guy on TV so smiley and wavey.
Dude! If your pee-pee isn't working like you think it should maybe you should have a lower expectation of it instead of having a cab on stand-by in case that four hour thing happens.
Which gets me to the reason I'm having this little 'watch-out-what-you-wish-for-because-that-genie-in-the-bottle-is-way-smarter-than-you!' rant.
We've gotten so used to getting scared out of our wits that this whole May 21st End of The World Is Coming is getting very little notice. Not here in New York, anyway. We're kind of used to the End Of the World being just around the corner here in the Big City.
But why haven't any of the retail outlets and stores taken advantage of this wacky opportunity?
Can they not see a weekend one day sale for what it's worth?
May 21st is Saturday.
Go shopping!
It's your chance to save like there's no tomorrow!
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